Wedding — A Word of the Week
(Noun) A marriage ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities; an act, process, or instance of joining in close association.
I love weddings, both in theory and in practice. The energy in them, even in spiritual or religious ceremonies; the full realization of a bond between people; the outfits and attire, all across the board; the music, the dancing, the people; the traditions, old and new. They may be the source of untold stress leading up to it, but largely, the day of, I’ve only seen the good come from it.
My ex-partner and I had an amazing wedding, almost eight years ago to the day. An explosively colorful venue. Literary flower bouquet. Board and card games at the reception. Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue for our meal. The most bomb vegan cupcakes. A truly curated playlist. Downtown Chicago. A small ceremony, a small reception. Intimate, but still fun. So fun. It still comes up in conversation every so often. Our marriage may have ended, but I think that was one of the signs we still worked well together: we knew how to plan a pretty baller party.
I’ve been at other weddings in my life, as far back as my uncle’s when I was young. Cognizant, able to stand upright and talk as well as a child could, but young. There was dancing, and glasses clinking, kissing, and my new cousin giving me a quarter to play an arcade game that was inexplicably right outside the reception hall.
As my friends got older, found people in their lives, I started attending other weddings. Some larger, some smaller. Only one smaller than mine: my best friend from K-12, married to another Marine she met while they were stationed overseas. The ceremony, overlooking a dam in a natural park. Me, two of our other friends from school, her mother and grandmother, and about a dozen of his family. It was sunny. Hot. Two of my least favorite things, but it was still nice. A short ceremony, but still nice.
A blur of churches, ceremonies, and receptions. From religious overtones, bonds in faith, union in the eyes of Someone Greater, to the most heathen, godless ceremonies (a compliment, to be sure). Only an occasional irate or belligerent guest, and always far enough away from me that it never affected my outlook on the day. And I almost always get the pleasure of seeing people that I haven’t in a long time, or meeting new people to bond with for just a day.
Most recently, I got to attend my little sister’s wedding. Not a biological sister, I don’t have any of those. It’s one of those friendships you have where it feels more familial, the “chosen family” trope given form. And I don’t know if it’s just me being (or feeling) old, or the kind of connection I have to her, but her wedding hit different. The barrels of a brewery surrounding us, pink blossoms scattered about, a microphone that seemed to challenge everyone who used it at every turn, a whiplash-inducing playlist of traditional dance songs and heavy metal, and vows that reminded me of the power of romance. Food was pretty good, too.
But what stood out most was the prevailing sense of joy. Authentic, and unbridled. Something you can barely explain, but you truly feel when it hits you. I described it to the newlyweds as, essentially, blacking out and forgetting about everything in the world, just for a moment. Even as the percussion blasted throughout the Barrel Room, as my body shook with it, all the dancing bodies turned to silhouettes, and there was only joy. I’ve tried, but I can’t verbalize the sensation any more than that.
I love love. As an aromantic, it might seem strange, but imagine it like getting to play with someone’s child, or (maybe better) someone’s pet. You get to have them, do fun things, have fun yourself, and then give them back before any real responsibility crops up. Weddings serve as the peak manifestation of peoples’ love for each other, and I get to just bask in that for a few hours. To date, I haven’t had to stress over the details and execution as part of a wedding party, and all I can vividly remember about my own wedding was the wedding itself. I love love. I love when people have a party to celebrate their love, or to recognize their love. I love seeing how that love manifests in how they have their celebration.
A number of marriages may still end in divorce, for whatever reason. But even if those weddings just serve as a snapshot of a moment in time, a snapshot of how things are, then they can still be a testament to how things were…and how things may still be.
